Suicide, guilt, stereotypes, and judgments

08/13/2014 Entry This Monday, a beloved actor, Robin Williams committed suicide. It is tragic and heartbreaking. It’s terrible. I am beyond shocked, though, by everything I’ve read online. People are shamelessly posting hurtful, insensitive things, saying how selfish it was, how someone should have seen that something was wrong and did something to help (aka... Continue Reading →

Death changes you

07/21/2014 Entry Death changes you. Some changes are obvious and some are hidden, creeping out of their hiding places when you least expect. The big changes, they stick out like weeds in a perfect lawn. I have a new, more morbid understanding of life. I know that life is short, that any day can be... Continue Reading →

The grief monster

07/20/2014 Entry Tonight is the first time, in a long time, that I’ve sat and looked through our wedding pictures. It continues to surprise me, the force with which grief sweeps through me still. It’s not a constant thing, not anymore. At almost 17 months of this, I have gotten a better grip on how... Continue Reading →

Suicide and selfishness

06/18/2014 Entry Suicide. One word, yet it is so heavy with meaning, with implications, with assumptions, with stigmas. One stigma, in particular, the stigma of suicide being a selfish act, has been on my mind. Society hears that a friend of a friend of a friend (you get the idea) committed suicide, and the forefront... Continue Reading →

Scabs that get torn off

5/19/2014 Entry “So Facebook just informed me that one of the girls in Brandon's group of friends just got engaged.  She's a great and sweet person, and I'm happy for her, but here I am sitting in the bathroom crying.  Because it sucks to have gotten married to my best friend only for 5 weeks. ... Continue Reading →

Birthday blues

04/23/2014 Entry Today would have been Brandon’s 27th birthday; it’s now the second birthday I have spent without him. Today leaves me feeling…empty and numb. I’m having dinner with his friends tonight and whereas I am looking forward to it, I am also equally dreading it. Last year when we got together on his birthday,... Continue Reading →

Digging up the pain to feel something

03/31/2014 Entry I jumped through the necessary hoops and got taxes done today. Yay me. One thing I learned is apparently Jackson Hewitt does your taxes for free if your husband/wife dies the year before…so, that was kind of a nice break. I’ve been feeling numb and frozen emotionally, so I decided to peek into... Continue Reading →

Frustrations of filing taxes

03/25/2014 Entry Usually I file taxes as soon as all of the appropriate paperwork comes in, which for the past few years has been in February. March is almost over and I still haven’t touched taxes this year. It really doesn’t surprise me, this whole year I’ve been behind on everything. My plan for this... Continue Reading →

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