Sometimes music reaches inside and grabs the heart

I was looking something up on the computer earlier, and after I finished, I randomly saw a link to a music video someone compiled about Hellblade: Senua’s Sacrifice, a video game I’m interested in playing. The focus of the game is on mental illness and how the main character deals with it, what difficulties it adds, what it feels like to live with it. She embarks on a journey through her psychotic manifestations and illusions to rescue the man she loves. This premise appealed to me, for obvious reasons. Ever since Brandon’s death, I’ve been hungry to learn all I can on the topic, to try to understand more. The song this video used is the ending credit song from the game. I sat and listened, and very quickly stopped paying attention to the video itself. The words of this song wrapped a hand around my heart and squeezed. I felt tears swimming to the surface. This song touched something deep inside me.

These words…these are the words I wish I had a chance to say to Brandon, before he felt that the only option he had left was to pick up one of his guns, put it up to his neck, and pull the trigger. These words are what I wish anyone who is suffering could hear. This song packs such a powerful punch…at least for this particular suicide widow.

VNV Nation is a band I have never heard of until today. If just one of their songs can have such an emotional impact and have me sitting here in tears, then I for sure want to hear more from them.

Illusion by VNV Nation

 

I know it’s hard to tell how mixed up you feel

Hoping what you need is behind every door

Each time you get hurt, I don’t want you to change

Because everyone has hopes, you’re human after all

 

The feeling sometimes wishing you were someone else

Feeling as though you never belong

This feeling is not sadness, this feeling is not joy

I truly understand, please don’t cry now

 

Please don’t go, I want you to stay

I’m begging you, please, please don’t leave here

I don’t want you to hate for all the hurt that you feel

The world is just illusion trying to change you

 

Being like you are, well, this is something else

Who would comprehend? But some that do lay claim

Divine purpose blesses them, that’s not what I believe

And it doesn’t matter anyway

 

A part of your soul ties you to the next world

Or maybe to the last but I’m still not sure

But what I do know is to us the world is different

As we are to the world, I guess you would know that

 

Please don’t go, I want you to stay

I’m begging you, please, please don’t leave here

I don’t want you to hate for all the hurt that you feel

The world is just illusion trying to change you

 

Please don’t go, I want you to stay

I’m begging you, please, oh please don’t leave here

I don’t want you to change for all the hurt that you feel

This world is just illusion always trying to change you

 

Please don’t go, I want you to stay

I’m begging you, please, please don’t leave here

I don’t want you to hate for all the hurt that you feel

This world is just illusion, trying to change you

 

Please don’t go, I want you to stay

I’m begging you, please, oh please don’t leave here

I don’t want you to change for all the hurt that you feel

This world is just illusion always trying to change you

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