Day 236: 10/23/2013 Entry
I love tea. I used to drink at least a cup every single day. I haven’t been able to touch it since Brandon’s death…I haven’t wanted to.
Yet I have started to enjoy drinking it again. 236 days…236 days without wanting to touch any of my tea, and I have finally been able to brew a cup, hold it in my hand, watch the steam rise and the loose leaf flakes settle to the bottom, and feel a little slice of peace.
This is such a small thing, but it feels monumental. This is such a small thing, but it’s a NORMAL thing…I’m doing something normal, something that I used to love, again. I’m able to enjoy doing something I used to love, without him. It breaks my heart.
I don’t want to ever enjoy anything I used to love without him…yet it seems that is a fight I cannot win, no matter how much I try to dig my heels in. Time keeps marching on, and with every passing second, minute, hour, day – I get further and further away from him, from us. And that is a road I do not want to follow. But it is a road I cannot leave.