Alone at the movies

Day 87: 05/27/2013 Entry


Tonight I went to the movies.


By myself.

Four months ago I would have laughed off the idea as completely ridiculous, because really, who goes to the movies by themselves? The person I used to be thought it was a ridiculous idea, because won’t everyone look at you, and wonder why you’re there alone? Why no one is with you? What must be wrong with you? Won’t they judge you?

Well, the person I am today, quite frankly, doesn’t give a damn. It’s funny how the things that used to worry, keep me up at night, occupy my mind, make me anxious – no longer even bleep on the radar of what’s important.

I was sitting on the couch earlier, watching the X Files on TV, when suddenly, I found myself looking up movie times. Then I found myself getting dressed and driving down the road to the theater. I parked, saw couples walking towards the building together, laughing, holding hands. I got out, and walked to the building, alone. I walked up to the counter, smiled, asked for one ticket, then walked to the theater and sat down, alone. Surprisingly, I didn’t have any of those nagging self-conscious thoughts I would have had in this same situation months ago.

Who would have thought, finding your husband dead really makes you not give many fucks about much of anything afterwards.

The things you learn.

So, who goes to the movies by themselves? Apparently, widows.

Maybe I’ll go out to a fancy restaurant and eat dinner alone next.

Stay tuned for the interesting life developments of a 23 year old widow, diary!