Moving at different speeds

Day 74: 05/14/2013 Entry

I saved some boxes at work today after unpacking some supplies that came in, because I knew I had to pack up Brandon’s office and the kitchen stuff we moved into the house before his father has people come over and start working on the house in a few weeks. I tried doing it last week when I was off, but couldn’t. I just got reduced to a puddle of tears when I went in there and tried to pack something up. So I figured I’d do it later, because his dad said nothing would start until a few weeks after his surgery this week.

I figured I had time. Wrong.

When I brought the boxes in the house today after work, I saw that his dad took everything out of Brandon’s office and put it in the center of the adjoining room. He also packed up his computer desk, computer, and everything that was on the desk. I wanted to take a picture of it the way Brandon left it, damn it. Now I can’t. I don’t even have the energy to express how frustrated and angry this makes me. His dad seems to constantly do things I’m not ready for.

I hate that he took all the furniture out of Brandon’s office days after he died; I wanted, needed, to come in and sit there and see it how it was, instead, when I was finally ready to come downstairs, I came into an empty office with boxes on the floor and only his computer desk in the room. I hated that. I wasn’t ready. Now he packed up his desk and took everything out of the office. I wasn’t ready. I wanted to do it.

I understand that doing all of this is just his way of dealing with everything, I’m trying to, but I’m not ready to wipe out all traces of Brandon…I don’t want that. He’s moving so fast with changing things, moving things, remodeling things. I hate it. If it was up to me, Brandon’s office would still be untouched. I wish he would have talked to me about it.