The Start

  I've been thinking about how to start this blog for a long while. What am I trying to say? What am I trying to accomplish? Who in the world is going to be interested in reading my ramblings? Then I remember myself, almost five years ago, feeling so alone, broken, and confused, frantically searching for any... Continue Reading →

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Things I wish someone told me

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how lonely and isolating the widowhood journey truly is. Whether you’re 20, 40, or 70, widowhood hurts, devastates, and tears you down to your knees. Humans love to fall into routines and patterns - find peace and comfort in it even – and death strips it all away,... Continue Reading →

Moving and home

Before Brandon’s death, I was very set in my ways when it came to the concept of home. While growing up, my parents and I moved around constantly; I never went to the same school for longer than two years. We weren’t a military family, just a family that moved around for better job opportunities... Continue Reading →

Maybe it’s a sign?

So, I have officially posted all the entries I had in my widowhood diary from the beginning. Now it’s just me and my current musings and ramblings from here on out. I doubt I’ll be posting as frequently as I used to, but I will try to write something at least once a week. That... Continue Reading →

I’m sorry

05/12/2017 Entry I can’t sleep…my mind can’t seem to quiet tonight. Will and I went to bed and I felt completely fine. He fell asleep pretty fast, and I was just listening to the purrs of the cat. I don’t remember what exactly I was thinking about while trying to fall asleep, but it was... Continue Reading →

The 4th deathaversary with a side of meltdown

02/27/2017 Entry Today is a Monday. Wednesday is that dreaded day, the 4th anniversary of Brandon’s death. Why does society even call it an anniversary? Anniversary portrays a happy occasion. Wednesday is anything but. Anniversaries are celebrated…how can I celebrate his death? No, I really don’t like that word for this. It has apparently taken... Continue Reading →

The waves that come to visit

05/15/2016 Entry Last night, right after I turned off the bedside lamp, snuggled up with the cats, and closed my eyes to sleep, it came…that wave of sadness and panic that sometimes comes to visit. I laid there with tears streaming down my cheeks, suddenly trapped in the sharp claws of pure panic, having trouble... Continue Reading →

The 3rd deathaversary

03/01/2016 Entry Today marks three years since Brandon died. I sat down thinking that I would write something deep and profound, but for the longest time, I’ve just stared at the computer screen. What the heck do I say about the anniversary of the day I came home and stumbled into a new life, a... Continue Reading →

Guilt is heavy

02/09/2016 Entry Brandon’s death changed me. I don’t think or feel the same way about life anymore. Then again, how could his death NOT change me? It’s these changes that cause me pain. I don’t mean that these changes are bad. Quite the opposite, I think his death made a better person out of me.... Continue Reading →

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